The Anatomy of Peace

Over Thanksgiving break, I finished reading The Anatomy of Peace, a bestseller in the conflict resolution space that a good friend recommended to me. The book is unusual in that it is authored by an organization — The Arbinger Institute — rather than an individual. Also, unlike typical self-help books, this one tells a fictional story inspired by real life events. 

The Anatomy of Peace is the “prequel” to Leadership and Self-Deception, an earlier book by the same authors that addresses company culture, but the driving questions are the same: namely, where do conflicts begin and is there anything we can do to minimize their occurrence to achieve peace at home, at work and in society at large?

The Anatomy of Peace introduces us to a fictional group of parents who have one thing in common: their children have gotten into serious trouble with drugs. “Camp Moriah” is a center for young adult rehabilitation but it also invites the parents of participants to spend the weekend together for some rehabilitation of their own. What ensues is an extensive discussion led by Yusuf, an Arab, and Avi, a Jew, both staff members at Camp Moriah. Through lengthy — and sometimes painful — conversations among the group members, each character discovers the hidden causes of their conflicts buried deep within themselves. 

There is an “aha” moment of self-awareness, which arrives quickly for some and more slowly for others, of the subtle and seductive patterns of thought that have led to the dysfunction in their relationships. The apparent problem — substance abuse — is really a symptom of many unresolved interior conflicts often manifested in broken bonds. 

No book is perfect, and the narrative approach taken by the authors has its limits. Nevertheless, among other insights, I appreciated one observation: In the inner world of our hidden thoughts and feelings, we often see other people with a functional mindset. Business settings are unfortunately prone to this tendency; after all, each person in a company does have a specific role to play and much depends on whether the person fulfills a prescribed function. 

However, since people are not objects, they respond poorly when they are treated as such. By contrast, we can bring out the best in others when we actually see them for who they are: fellow human beings with rich, complex and awe-inspiring inner universes. We see others as persons by regularly examining and purifying our own inner universe: the complicated orbits of our thought processes, assumptions and biases. The big point made by these authors is that most of us don't spend enough time working on that inner world.

A great way to "work on that inner world" is through mentorship. We could sum up the goal of mentorship with one concept: self-awareness. What we don't always realize is that our own self-awareness doesn't only benefit us but it can also have a positive impact on others, producing a real and tangible impact on our most fundamental relationships. 

And that, my friends, is a game-changer.

Helen

Helen Keefe

Business Honors Program Mentor Program Manager